All people begin early in life trying to establish their personal power through accomplishing what they set out to do.  We see this from the first attempt a baby makes to engage a toy or move purposefully by rolling over and pushing up.  And of course, the terrible-twos are so labeled because young children are trying to learn how to have power over their own achievements, their choices, and the people around them.  Many two-year-old’s choices are dangerous and adults must often protect the children from getting hurt.  This protection stops children from completing their planned action.  Having their intentions stopped fills children with frustration and sense of a lack of control.  Protesting, crying, and tantrum behaviors result in an attempt by the children to express their anxiety and hopefully regain control by manipulating the response of adults. As children grow older they are further frustrated by adults controlling more of their life through requests, instruction, and expectations.  Most children learn to maintain a sense of personal power through developing complicated verbal language and social skills.  The use of language and social skills gives the majority of children an avenue for expressing their interests and negotiating with adults. 

Children with autism, by nature of the diagnosis, struggle greatly with communication and social skills.  These children have fewer abilities to support their need for personal power and often rely heavily on protest behaviors to assert themselves.  When adults recognize the disparity between need and ability to independently gain that need, they can begin to provide the support children with autism require.

One simple and effective way to support children with autism to feel a sense of personal power is to lead with choice.  Leading with choice means providing children with an opportunity to make a choice in as many interactions as possible.  Offering an abundance of choice throughout the day will provide children the opportunity to share their interests and feel a little control over some of the interaction.   Leading with Choice begins and ends with honoring and empowering autistic children. 

8 keys to successfully leading with choice.

1. Structured Choice:  The most important key is to offer an abundance of choices. But, not just any choice.  This is not a free for all, or do as you please kind of plan!  The choices are offered abundantly – AND –  must be Structured. Structured Choice is the main key!
2. Offer Structured Choice sets of between two and four choices.  Less than two is not a choice and more than four becomes too much information for children to process. 
3. Three choices are best because they offer plenty to choose from but not too many to communicate easily.
4. Keeping choices simple and concrete is important.
5. To enhance understanding, limit your words and speak purposefully.
6. When possible present objects, pictures or gestures that a child can see to help identify the choices. These visual supports will strengthen the child’s comprehension and responses will be quicker.
7. Structured choices need to be things that are relevant to the current, in-the-moment activity.  Ask children what they want right now. 
8. After presenting the choices, the child’s indicated preference must be honored immediately. 

When engaging an autistic child try beginning your interaction with a question instead of a statement.    Show your son some shirts and ask, “do you want to wear your blue shirt, yellow shirt, or green shirt?”  Showing some cups ask your daughter, “Do you want the yellow cup, green cup or orange cup?” 

When Dad asks his son, “When we go outside. Do you want to wear your blue sweater, black sweater, or red sweater?” He is offering his son the opportunity to have some control over the decision.  Dad is also setting a limit.  He is indicating that it is cool outside and a sweater must be worn.  By focusing his son’s attention on the choice Dad avoids providing the son an opportunity to protest wearing a sweater.  When giving the child a direct command such as, “put on a sweater,” the child may feel controlled and exhibit protest behavior to express his need to have some personal power.  By offering the choice Dad freely gives his son an opportunity to engage his personal power.  The child willingly chooses his preferred sweater and the two engage positively.  In another example if Mom would prefer her daughter eat fruit instead of chips mom could simply say, “Do you want an orange, apple or grapes with lunch?”  This question gives the daughter only fruit to choose from.  But, presenting a choice of fruits helps the girl to feel empowered in making the choice.   Her mind set is open to the opportunity and she avoids the need to protest in order to feel a sense of control.  Mom and Dad’s structured choices have been specific, clear and concise.  Showing the items to the children while asking the question provides visual supports to aide in understanding and responding.  Further the choices offered were items of immediate interest.  The parents asked about what was happening in the moment.   Leading with structured choice has gifted the children opportunities to engage their personal power.  The more opportunities they have to feel empowered the less they will need to seek-out power through protest behaviors.  Positive engagement is the result! 

McNeil, Colette, M.A

More information and examples of structured choice can be found in Ms. McNeil’s book Choice and Structure for Children with Autism, June 2020.

Colette McNeil is the author of the award-winning book Understanding the Challenge of “No,” for Children with Autism: Improving Communication, Increasing Positivity, Enhancing Relationships.  She has over 30 years of experience working with children with autism in a wide range of educational, recreational, and care giving settings.  Ms. McNeil holds a master of arts degree in Psychology and aspires to development confidence in children with autism through expanding the perspectives of their parents, families, teachers and caregivers.

References

Bloomfield, B.C. (2001). Icon to I Can, a visual Bridge to Independence. Presentation Materials.

Glasser MD, William (2013-03-19). Take Charge of Your Life: How to Get What You Need with Choice-Theory Psychology. iUniverse. Kindle Edition.

Lansbury, Janet. Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting. JLML Press. Kindle Edition.

Leaf, R., McEachin, J. (1999). A Work in Progress, Behavior Management Strategies and a Curriculum for Intensive Behavioral Treatment of Autism.  Autism Partnership.

McNeil, Colette. (2017). Understanding the Challenge of No for Children with Autism: Improving Communication, Increasing Positivity, Enhancing Relationships. MSI Press, LLC. Kindle Edition.