Helping Young Children with Autism Enjoy the Holiday Feast
So here we are approaching the last Thursday in November. The great launch of the holiday season. Thanksgiving in the USA kicks off a roughly 6 week feeding frenzy with the traditional turkey dinner and all the fixings. Following shortly after begin the many gatherings to commemorate various religious holidays, and seasonal celebrations. We finish with a final hoorah on New Year’s Eve. Most of these occasions share a meal as the center attraction. Whether it be in a home, restaurant, park, or party-hall, Brunch, Lunch, and Dinner accompany the getting-together of friends and family.
For families with young autistic children the festivities can feel more ominous than exciting. Prior to attending a party, parents plan ahead for all of the potential needs of their autistic children:
My child is only eating eggs and baloney this week- let him/her eat before we leave. It will get loud – pack the ear-muffs. There will be long boring times – charge the tablet and add it to the bag. What if it is too bright? – sunglasses, or too dark? – flashlight. Where are the bathrooms located? Where is our escape when overstimulation or anxiety surfaces? Who’s turn is it to go to the car with the child? Bring a sweater and a T-shirt. Bring extra clothes in case of spills. Preset the timer or reward pictures in the phone. Don’t forget the favorite plush toy, blanket, and a variety of fidget toys. Got it all? Oh, and snacks lots and lots of snacks. Try to prevent any reason for a fussy child. Maybe we will make it through the main course this time.
All too often the best efforts to prevent the child from becoming overwhelmed at these events works right up until mealtime. Then BAM! Agitated and Anxious, your autistic child can not contain their displeasure.
What happened? Why right after the family sits at the table does the child loose it? How can this moment be avoided, or can it? I believe it can be avoided, or at least, the peace can be prolonged long enough for parents to eat the main course. I would like to propose a little change in your preparations that has worked for my family. I know it will help.
Skip the pre-meal and all those snacks.
Let your child become hungry. Now I am not suggesting you deny children the previous meals of the day. Just allow their hunger to develop for this meal. You see, children with autism need to understand the tangible purpose of activities to best interact within them. If attempts to prevent a child from becoming fussy includes pre-meals and snacks then the child does not want to eat. He or She has no reason, no purpose for sitting at the table with the family while enjoying the meal.
Without a reason to sit at a table full of food, the children are either allowed to play away from the table, or placated for a short time with toys at the table.
A child away from the table will quickly notice that their parents are not paying attention to them. This realization will either encourage curious exploration of things and places not usually allowed, or bids for attention. Either way, at least one parent will be leaving the meal to tend to the child.
Full bellied children sitting at the table will often become bored and begin to fuss, play with the dinner plates or express their agitation. Again, out of respect for others, someone is accompanying the child on a walk, into another room, or out to the car.
When a child is gifted their hunger, they are more than happy to sit with the family and eat a meal. If your child will only eat corn dogs, or chocolate spread sandwiches then pack those foods to be eaten when everyone else eats. And if your child is eating only chicken nuggets brought from home, be a strong advocate for him or her. Do not let family and friends overly encourage other foods. Eating at the table with everyone is a BIG WIN. Do not let the positive momentum be destroyed by someone encouraging, “just try a bite.”
I assure you, hungry kids who are honored in their food choices will make for a much happier feast for all!