We are several weeks into the new school year.  Has the chaos of learning the new schedules and transitions settled in?   Are you comfortable with the routines that have been established?  Is bed time and wake time working-out for you?  Does your child function well with the A.M. prep routines of dressing, breakfast, transition, and transportation?  How about returning home and after school activities?  Are things going smoothly?

If you answer YES, then that is terrific!   Please take a moment and reflect on what it is you are doing so well and what you are grateful for.  It is often that we take the easier times for granted and focus more on the things that need fixed.  But, remembering to purposefully focus on the good helps us to perpetuate that good over time.  Keep that positive momentum going, you deserve it!

If you answer NO, please don’t lose heart.  It is likely that just a few minor tweaks to those routines can make a big difference.  Just like with our YES answerers, the first place to start is to look at the good.  I know! I know! — if you are struggling right now you may be ready to reach through the computer and passionately enlighten me with your point of view.  In our worst moments being told to be more positive is often felt as an insult.  This is not my intent at all.   My advice of taking the time to recognize what is good is more than just a simplistic pumping-up of motivational hype.  While research shows that purposeful acknowledgement of the good does have potentially positive mental and emotional repercussions, research is also showing that simply making positive affirmations does not work if the person does not BELIEVE the affirmations stated.

My reasoning for encouraging you to look at what IS working is two-fold.

First off, many times focusing too much on that frustrating rush to get your son ready for school and out to the bus on time can overshadow how well he is doing in school and after school. The negative focus can leave you feeling more stressed than you need to feel. Regardless of your struggles, there ARE things that you and your child are doing well!  You deserve to have those things acknowledged even by your own inner voice.

Second and most helpful, identifying what IS working and looking a little closer at WHY it is working so well can help you to figure-out where to make tweaks during your more difficult routines. Often, we focus on what is going wrong and what needs fixing, but this focus does not give us clues as to HOW to fix it.  I find, if I can identify what is going well I can then see some strategies that I can put in place to encourage a struggling activity to turn around.  Asking yourself what the difference is between the effective and ineffective events could yield some insights:

• Is there more time for your daughter to make choices of pajamas at night than choices of outfits in the morning? Would an extra 5 minutes help in the A.M?
• Are there less choices of pajama options at night so changing does not come with the level of negotiation as in the morning? Would providing 3 choices versus the whole drawer of clothes provide more structure to A.M dressing?
• Does your son have a stronger visual schedule in the afternoon than in the morning? Would taking some pictures of the AM schedule help?
• Is there an activity your daughter looks forward to after changing for bed like a great cuddle and story time that encourages her to get dressed quickly? Could you tweak your morning by adding snuggles after getting dressed to encourage more dressing vs running around the house behavior?
• Are the afternoon activities more consistent with your support system while mornings can be different day by day depending on who is helping the children and who is in the shower each morning? Would it be helpful for families to agree on keeping consistent routines with activities happening in the same order each morning regardless of who is tending to the children?

 

These questions are posed just as an exhibit. The questions and answers you discover will be dependent on your individual circumstances and your relationship with your children.    In this moment, it may feel exhausting to imagine tackling your struggling activities. But, deep-down you know the longer these ineffective routines persist the more stress the whole family suffers.  Treat yourself to a pro-active approach and improve your circumstances sooner than later.

YOU AND YOUR CHILD ARE TERRIFIC AND YOU DESERVE TO FEEL THAT WAY!